To Bake a Cake
by Daisy Bokoblin
Summary: Peach was bored. She had no matches that day, and there was nothing to do! ...Or was there? Poor Ike doomed everyone in the mansion with one sentence- "If you're really bored, why don't you just bake or something?"
1. Part One

**AN - So, this was originally supposed to be a oneshot for my sister's birthday, but it got so long I had to split it into two parts. This is part one. Happy birthday sis, and she and I hope all you readers out there enjoy!**

* * *

Peach sat on a stone bench in the huge yard of the Smash Mansion, reading her new novel. It was a sunny day, the birds were chirping and a light breeze kept the princess of the Mushroom Kingdom from getting too hot. Smiling, Peach flipped the page and realized- She had finished reading her book. It seemed as though everything froze for a moment before a shrill scream ripped through the air.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Peach jumped from her bench, clutching her fists at the sky. "WHYYYY!? THAT WAS THE LAST BOOK!" The princess fell to her knees, sobbing wildly into her hands. Why was she so upset?

Well, when she woke up on this particular morning, she was perky and happy until she realized something. She had no matches today. At first she was only mildly disappointed, but as the day wore on she became increasingly bored and snappish. Why, just before she found three books buried in her drawer she had called Marth a prissy little girl, slugged Snake in the nose when he asked how she was and told Donkey Kong to go suck a lemon after he highfived Diddy Kong (for no apparent reason).

Long story short, today was not a good day for the princess. The books she found in her dresser were her only relief today, but she had already finished all the thousand page novels by 9:30 in the morning. What was she to do now?

Slowly, Peach rose to her feet and picked up the three books to start reading them again. Anything to pass the time, after all. Before she could start on the first one again, though, someone cleared their throat behind the princess, causing her to jump three feet into the air.

"Whataya want?!" She snapped, turning to find herself face to face with one of her fellow smashers, a tall mercenary.

"Don't kill me!" Ike raised his hands and backed away slightly. "I just wanted to know what you're doing out here, ya know, since you screamed like someone was brutally murdering you."

"You want the truth?" Peach almost spat at the mercenary. "I'm bored."

Ike was confused. "...You're bored? That's it?"

If looks could kill, Ike would have been dead before he hit the ground.

"Yesss, Ike." Peach hissed. "I. Am. Bored. There's nothing to do, and I have no matches today!"

"Calm down." Ike raised his hands in surrender. "If you're really bored, why don't you just bake or something?"

Little did Ike know he had just doomed everybody in the mansion with that one sentence.

Peach was silent for a moment, staring into space. "...Baking. I'll bake! That's great! Thank you soooo much Ike!" The princess jumped from the bench and tightly hugged the startled mercenary.

"Thaaat's great, Peach. Now could you please get off of me?"

"Sure!" Peach let go abruptly, causing Ike to stagger back a bit. "I'm gonna go right now!"

And with that, Peach ran into the mansion, Ike shaking his head.

* * *

Peach stood in the kitchen, whipping open random cupboards in search of ingredients. For what? Even Peach didn't know yet.

"What to bake, what to bake…" Peach was muttering to herself as she pulled out a box of gummy worms and tossed them onto the counter.

"Ummm, Peach? What are you doing?" A voice asked from behind the frenetic princess.

Peach turned, startled until she saw her friend, a fellow smasher and a fellow princess.

"Zelda!" Peach ran to Zelda and grasped her shoulders from the front, keeping their eyes locked. "I am baking, but I don't know what to bake! Do you have any ideas?! Any at all?!"

Zelda was too startled to speak for a moment, but quickly regained some composure and responded. "Well, aren't you always going on about how you've wanted to bake the best cake in the world ever since you were a little girl? Try baking that now!"

Peach's eyes lit up like two gold coins shimmering. "Yes! Yes yes yes! It is perfect!" The Mushroom kingdom princess released her fellow princess and began pacing. "If I need to make the best tasting cake ever, though, I'll need supplies. And to get all the supplies I need, I'll need help…" A pleading look overcame her face as she turned to Zelda, who had already caught on to what Peach wanted from her.

A sigh escaped the Hylian's lips, but nonetheless she smiled at Peach. "Sure, I'll help you."

"Great!" Peach danced around the kitchen before turning back to Zelda. "So, which smashers should we kidnap? I personally think Pit would be a great help-"

"Whoa whoa whoa whoa. No one said anything about kidnapping anybody!"

Peach began to puppy dog pout and looked at Zelda with giant eyes. "But- but we need help to get all the supplies and to bake!" Peach began to sniffle and continued. "We can't do it all alo- alone!"

"Why don't we just ask them?" Zelda suggested, not wanting to kidnap anybody.

"Nobody will agree! They're all mean, cruel people!" Peach continued sniffling and pouting, until finally Zelda spoke up.

"...Fine. As long as nobody gets hurt!"

"Yaaaay!" Peach giggled and grabbed Zelda's hands with her own. "So, who should we get? Who can help us the most?"

_This is gonna be a loooong day. _Zelda mentally facepalmed.

* * *

Marth sat in the lounge, reading a book from his room, though he wasn't paying it much attention.

_I'll show her who's a prissy little girl, just let me at her in a match and she'll WISH she never said anything! _The prince fumed silently. Just today, Peach had insulted him out of the blue and just walked away, leaving Marth to wonder why she'd say such a thing. She (and everybody else in the mansion) knew how much it bothered Marth to be called a girl, and today, with Peach, was the last straw. He had been insulted by the smashers once too often, and now he felt the need to show them he was a force to be reckoned with by doing… Something. Marth was still working out the details.

Sighing, he closed the book he held with a snap and threw it on the table in front of him. He wasn't reading it, anyways. Sitting back in the chair, Marth began to plot something to prove he wasn't to be called a girl anymore when a blunt object was brought down on his head heavily, causing him to fall out of his chair and onto the floor.

Just before he blacked out, he could hear two sentences spoken from behind him.

"You said no one would get hurt!"

"Ah, this prissy little girl wouldn't come any other way."

* * *

Ike and Roy were sparring in the training room. They each used strength to their advantage, unlike Marth who would attack much more gracefully and quickly, or Link who was almost a mix of all of them.

"Oh, was that a slipup, Ike?" Roy taunted as he stabbed his sword at his opponent, who barely managed to dodge.

"I wouldn't be talking Roy," Ike smirked as he parried a blow with his sword. "At least I didn't get replaced by another swordsman for Brawl. You're only here to watch matches."

Roy growled and charged Ike, swinging his sword wildly, trying to get a hit in somewhere out of anger.

Ike wasn't entirely prepared and had to move quicker than he ever had before to block Roy's attacks, not able to parry them all and earning small nicks and cuts. Within twenty seconds, Ike was on the floor, Roy's sword at his throat.

"...Can I get up now?" Ike asked after a few minutes of lying on the floor with Roy still standing there, pinning him down.

"...Fine." Roy backed up, allowing Ike to stand back up.

"Wow man," Ike breathed, "I think they should've brought you back for Brawl. That was intense!"

"Thanks, but who is this 'they' you speak of?"

"The people we aren't supposed to know about. Even the author doesn't know how I know."

"Yeah, and this fanfiction wasn't supposed to break the fourth wall! Now stop talking about it, before someone hears us!"

Ike shrugged, and turned to leave before being stopped in his tracks by a loud crash behind him. Spinning, he saw something absolutely crazy. Roy was lying face first on the floor, arms and legs spread out at awkward angles. Standing above him was Zelda, hands covering her mouth in shock, and Peach, who spun her frying pan on her finger which was slipped through the hole in the end of the handle.

"Peach, you said this time we'd ask!" Zelda gasped, facing her fellow princess.

"Asking never works!" Peach said happily before she noticed Ike standing nearby, frozen in place by shock. "Hi, Ike!" She began to lightly sweat. "Whatcha dooooing?"

Ike wasn't speaking. Heck, Peach and Zelda couldn't even tell if he was breathing.

"Ike? Heeeelloooooo? Anybody home?" Peach crossed the short distance between her and the mercenary and snapped her fingers in his face. It did nothing, Ike still frozen in place.

"Peach! You broke him!" Zelda stormed over to Peach.

"Yeah, but if he's like this, he'll have no problem just coming with us! Grab Roy, I've got Ike." Peach grabbed the mercenary's hand as Zelda transformed into her alter ego, Sheik, so she could carry Roy better.

"Let's go, Ike!" Peach smiled and walked off, still holding Ike's hand, and the mercenary followed behind her silently, still unblinking.

Shaking her head, Sheik slung Roy over her shoulder and followed behind the other two Smashers.

* * *

Link was sitting in his room, staring at the ceiling.

Toon Link and Ness were sitting on the other side of the room, watching Link watch the ceiling. Finally, Link cracked.

"Do you two have nothing better to do than watch me!?" Link jumped up from his chair.

"No, me and Ness have a one on one match tonight, and we don't know what to do until then!" Toon Link spoke up for the first time since he and Ness had entered Link's room.

"Arrrgh!" Link fell back into his chair, massaging his forehead. "You two stress me out, you know that?"

"Yep!" Ness smiled.

"Ness, it was a rhetorical question." Link groaned, bringing his gaze back to the ceiling.

A knock on the door startled them all, and Link stood to open it. As the door swung open, however, Link was hit in the face by a frying pan. Ness and Toon Link were at such an angle that they couldn't see into the hallway, so the frying pan came as quite the surprise.

"Oh crap! This is Link's room!?" A shrill voice said, one that the two young smashers identified as Peach.

"That's what I've been saying this WHOLE time!" Another, more annoyed voice rang out, one that Toon Link and Ness could tell was Zelda.

"Peach? Zelda?" Ness squeaked. "Is that you?"

It was silent for a moment before a head peeked itself into the room, blonde hair adorned by a small crown.

"Ness! Toon Link!" Peach sounded overjoyed as she walked into the room, stepping over the unconscious body of Link. Zelda followed her in, but bent to check on Link instead. "How would you like to help me and Zelda with something?"

"With what?" Toon Link asked curiously.

Peach smiled kindly and sat down on the bed in between the two children, ready to tell them everything.

* * *

_That's everybody! _Peach thought happily. She and Zelda had stored the smashers they kidnapped in Peach's room, where they tied up a few of them to keep them from escaping.

"Peach." Marth had his hands and ankles bound behind his back, and he was propped up (albeit uncomfortably) against the hot pink wall. Every word he spoke was dangerously calm. "What. Are. You. Doing."

"I needed people to help me!" Peach smiled giddily.

"With what?" Roy groaned, he had just woken up a few moments before to find he was tied up in a girl's room.

"With baking!"

_Oh no._ Ike mentally face palmed. He had unfrozen when Peach started saying things about chicken to him, and he was tied just like the rest of the kidnapped smashers. But as Peach explained why everyone was here, he began to get more nervous than he already was. He was the one who gave her the idea to bake! Although, no one knew that besides Ike and Peach. Maybe if she'd just keep her big mouth shut for once nobody else would ever have to know…

"And I'd like to thank Ike for giving me the idea!"

_Oooooh noooo. I'm in for it. _Ike began sweating nervously as Marth began staring at him with a murderous look in his eyes.

Peach, however, was oblivious to the murder being planned in the captive prince's mind. She just clapped her hands together, bringing everybody's attention to her. Who was everybody?

She first kidnapped Marth, then proceeded to kidnap Ike, Roy, Link, Toon Link, Ness (though the two children came willingly), Pit, Lucario, Mr. Game and Watch, R.O.B., Olimar with all his Pikmin, the Pokemon Trainer Red and all three of his Pokemon, Luigi, Fox, Zelda (she eventually didn't want to keep kidnapping people, so Peach had to kidnap her as well), and Samus in her Zero Suit. I know, I know, you're all wondering one thing. How could Peach kidnap Samus? Well, it wasn't so much Peach kidnapping her as it was Peach BEGGING her to help, on her knees with hands clasped. Samus caved because of how annoying Peach was being, causing the princess great joy (not at being annoying, mind you, at being successful in convincing Samus to join).

As soon as everybody's attention was on her, Peach smiled. "Now, I'd like to thank the _three _people who came willingly, Toon Link, Ness, and Samus!" The princess put emphasis on the word three, a message to Zelda that, if she had continued with Peach's plan, that number would have been a four.

Zelda shook her head and sighed. _This is going to be a loooooooong day._

* * *

Peach dragged Marth out of the Smash Mansion, holding him by his bound hands.

"Ow!" Marth winced as the princess dragged him over a large rock. "If you're gonna drag me around, at least have the decency to avoid dragging me over large objects!"

"You girl, that rock was tiny!" Peach giggled as Marth scowled.

"That 'tiny' rock was bigger than your head!" The prince was not exaggerating, but Peach still didn't believe him.

Though the going was slow and painful (for Marth, anyways), Peach eventually was successful in her goal, dragging Marth over to the Smash Mansion's long driveway, where a large black van was parked, the Super Smash Brother's symbol painted on the sides.

"What are you-" But the prince never finished his sentence. Peach opened the back doors to the van, revealing the contents of the van, every other kidnapped smasher. The three who had come willingly were sitting in the seats of the van instead of squishing in the back.

Peach grabbed Marth awkwardly, trying to lift him the short way into the van.

"Ow!" Marth yelped when Peach managed to throw him in the back, resulting in him smashing his head off of the floor of the van.

"Perfect!" Peach clasped her hands together happily before slamming the doors shut, trapping the kidnappees in the dark van.

"Juuust great." Link moaned.

"Peach didn't even want you, Link." Zelda muttered. "She thought your room was Red's."

"Just great! So I'm here because that ditsy princess didn't know where the Pokemon trainer's room was." Link groaned while Red laughed.

"I am so glad that she didn't know where my room was!" The Pokemon trainer was hysterical at Link's predicament, and Lucario was becoming slightly concerned for Red's sanity.

"Does anybody know where she's taking us?" Pit questioned.

"Shopping," Zelda sighed.

* * *

Samus pulled the large van into the parking lot of a Hannafords, Peach clapping happily.

"We're heeere!" The princess called out, climbing out of the van and opening the back. Even with Samus' skilled driving, the kidnapped smashers had gotten all jumbled up in a gigantic heap. "Are you ready to shop?"

"How are we going to shop if we are restrained with these ropes?" Olimar piped up from somewhere in the pile.

"Oh, I already thought of that!" Peach giggled, pulling out a remote control from… Somewhere. Don't question her hidden pockets. The princess held up the remote for all to see, even though some of them couldn't see due to being crushed underneath their fellow smashers. "Ya see, I stole some of Snake's little bombs and planted one on all of you when you were unconscious. If you try to escape when I remove the ropes, I'll blow ya sky high!" Peach giggled brightly, as if murdering her friends was going to be fun!

"...I see your point." Olimar's small voice rang out once again, tinted with fear.

"Great! Now lets get started!" Peach grabbed the nearest smasher, Mr. Game and Watch, and undid his ropes (don't ask me how she got them on in the first place, it should be impossible, but this is my fanfiction, and I can do what I want in it).

Samus came round the back and started helping, along with Toon Link and Ness. They had already known of the bombs being placed on their fellow smashers, but they learned that they also had bombs (that none of them could find), so there was nothing they could do.

As soon as everyone was out and untied, Peach clapped happily. "Great! Now let's go shopping!"

* * *

Peach stood in the entrance of the huge supermarket, the smashers she kidnapped waiting for her instructions. The princess pondered for a few minutes. How to cover the most ground in the least amount of time? It was like a lightbulb lit itself above her head as the perfect idea came to her.

"Smashers!" Peach clapped her hands together, attracting the group's attention. "I know how we are going to do this! I am going to separate you all into four groups of four while I go and take care of some… Things. I'll give you a list, and you must buy everything on it, no exceptions."

"But wait," Roy spoke up, "what if we try to escape? You can't be watching all four groups at once!"

"Oh, that's easy!" Peach smiled. "I also planted trackers on you when I planted the bombs! I'll know exactly where you are at all times, so any escape attempts will end with a bang!" The princess giggled at her pun. Now she only needed to make all four groups of four, and they could get started!

* * *

Toon Link looked at the list he held in his hands warily. "She wants us to buy unsweetened sweetener? Is that even possible?"

"Nooo, it's not." Fox groaned, staring up at the white ceiling.

"Then how can we buy it?" Luigi mused in his Italian accent, playing with his mustache.

"We have to buy it! If we don't, Peach is gonna blow us up!" Ness panicked.

"Hmmm." Toon Link thought for a few moments, then snapped his fingers. "I've got it!"

The small group gathered around to hear Toon Link's plan.

"Here's what we do," the young boy whispered for no apparent reason. "We buy sweetener, then we write the word unsweetened on the package!"

Fox face palmed. "Is that the best we've got?!"

Luigi shrugged, walking away to find the sweetener. "It's the best we've got, since unsweetened sweetener doesn't exist!"

Toon Link turned back to the list to see what else they'd need to buy. Chocolate baking soda? Liquid baking powder? The hero of winds eyes grew even larger. None of these things existed!

_Just great._

* * *

Ike awkwardly picked up a bag of Hershey Kisses (they were on the list) and threw them into the shopping cart, Marth still giving him glares. Roy and Link were reading the list, discussing what would be the quickest way to get through the store.

"If we get everything near the back of the store first, and work our way to the front, we'll save a TON of time!" Link gestured with his left hand to the back wall of the Hannafords.

"No, no, no!" Roy argued back, slightly annoyed at Link. "If we start near the front, where we already ARE, and then work our way to the back, we'll be done within fifteen minutes!"

"No! The checkout aisles are at the front, if we start at the back and work our way to the front, we'll save more time!"

"Ha! If we start at the back, we'll need to walk all the way there, wasting all our time! We start at the front!"

"Nooooo, we start at the back!"

"The front!"

"The back!"

"The front!"

"The back!"

This went on for quite some time, Link and Roy bickering while Marth continued death staring at a very frightened Ike. Finally, Marth snapped.

"How could you give Peach an _idea_?!" The prince growled at the mercenary. "You know how she gets when she has her _own _ideas, you don't need to go giving her them! Remember when she had the bright idea to make a life sized baking soda volcano? Inside the mansion?! We all smelt like baking soda and vinegar for weeks! Not to mention the fact she completely demolished the living room!"

Ike backed away quickly. "All I said to her was that she should bake something!"

"Exactly!" Marth threw his hands up in frustration. "You gave her an idea! I hope this teaches you to _never _give Peach an idea. _Ever._" The prince stared at Ike, a murderous glint in his eyes.

"Yep." Ike squeaked in fear.

"Good." Marth was still fuming, but right now he just wanted to buy everything on the list and get out of there. "Link! Roy!" The two bickering teens turned to face the prince, startled at his tone of voice. "It does NOT matter whether we start in the back or in the front, either would take the same amount of time! Just read what's on the list and buy it so we can get out of here!"

All Roy and Link could do was nod silently, fearful for their lives should they disobey Marth. Quickly, they began reading the list aloud.

* * *

Zelda and Samus read their list, pondering where they could find most of the items while their other two teammates, Pit and Red, were goofing off with a shopping cart.

"How long do you bet I can go being pushed in this shopping cart before throwing up or begging to be let off?" Red mused aloud, causing snickers from Pit.

"No more than twenty seconds, especially if I'm pushing you." Pit grinned maliciously, causing the Pokemon trainer to frown.

"Really? How much you want to bet on that?"

"Ten bucks."

"You're on!"

With that, Red jumped into the cart, Pit snickering as he walked over and grabbed the handle.

"You ready?" Pit smirked.

"Oh heck yes!" Red exclaimed as he gripped the cart better.

"Wait!" Pit suddenly snapped his fingers. "We need someone to time this! After all, ten bucks are on the line!"

Red groaned. "You're right! How could we almost forget the most important part!" Mentally face palming, his attention was diverted back to the two girls. "Oooh, Zelda? Samus? Could one of you time us?"

Samus sighed. "I'm not even going to get involved. I want to be able to claim full innocence and ignorance to your little stunt when you get arrested for it."

Pit and Red looked at Zelda pleadingly. "Pleeeease?" Red clasped his hands, and Zelda had a flashback to earlier in the kitchen with Peach.

"Fiiine," Zelda groaned, pulling out her cell phone and opening her timer app.

"Yeeees!" Pit and Red highfived before turning back to the task at hand.

Zelda readied her finger over the start timer button. "Ready… Set… Go!"

And all pandemonium broke loose.

* * *

Mr. Game and Watch walked down the aisles, beeping all the way. He and his group, Olimar, R.O.B. and Lucario, had gotten almost everything on their list already, now all they needed to find was the milk, and Mr. Game and Watch thought that shouldn't be too hard.

Oh, how wrong he was.

Just as he turned a corner with Olimar by his side, they had to lunge to the side to avoid being crushed by a shopping cart flying by at 90 miles per hour. Who was driving said shopping cart?

"...Why did Pit just push a shopping cart with Red in it travelling at a crazy high speed?" Olimar quietly squeaked.

Mr. Game and Watch was too stunned to say anything, he just stared at the cloud of dust left behind in Pit and Red's wake.

"...Yeah, Red's insane." Lucario shook his head at the Pokemon trainer and the angel's stupidity.

R.O.B. rolled over and stared at the black, steaming skid marks left on the floor of the supermarket by the speeding shopping cart. "...Let's go get the milk."

Olimar nodded, swallowing nervously. "Yeah. Let's get the milk."

As they walked off, still slightly unsure of where the milk was and what just happened, Lucario was almost decapitated.

"What the-?!" The Pokemon gasped, ducking underneath the sword coming at his head just in time.

"ROY, YOU'RE DEAD!" Link screamed at the top of his lungs, charging the red head.

"NO, LINK! YOU'RE DEAD!" Roy roared, jumping at Link as they became locked in a intense sword fight in the middle of the supermarket, onlookers screaming and running for their lives.

"Guys, stop!" Marth yelled, trying to stop the two dueling teens while not getting killed himself.

"Roy, stop being a baby!" Ike insulted the red head while trying to keep him from killing Link. "Link just said he still thought starting at the back would be best, you didn't need to call him dumb for that!"

"Oh, I'M the baby?! You're the one who can't hold his own in a sword fight for the life of him!"

Well, that set Ike off. Now Roy and Ike were dueling while Marth still tried to calm Link down.

"Marth, stop being a little girly girl and get out of the way!" Link yelled. "I have a score to settle!"

Marth froze, his face dangerously calm. "What. Did. You. Just. Call. Me."

Link realized his mistake, but too late. "Umm, NOT a little girly girl, that's for sure!" He chuckled nervously, hoping Marth might believe him.

Obviously, he did not. One second the prince stood still, the next he was intensely dueling Link, his sword flying.

All this was happening to the wondering, terrified eyes of the four smashers who were searching for milk, all of them still frozen in place by what they were seeing.

"...What is going on?" Olimar squeaked.

"...I have no idea. We should probably get out of here." Lucario slowly started backing up, the rest of his group following suit.

Before they could leave, however, they all froze, a squealing noise slowly growing louder behind them. As they slowly turned, they were greeted by a shopping cart holding Red coming at them head on. Screaming, they all jumped out of the way before they could be crushed by the squealing Red and the laughing Pit.

"STOOOP!" Red screeched, and Pit immediately pulled to a stop.

"TIME!" The angel called out excitedly. "Zelda, what was it?!"

Zelda walked over to the shopping cart, Samus by her side.

"19.9 seconds," She groaned, knowing how this would cause quite the bickering between the two boys.

"What!?" Red gasped.

"YES!" Pit did a little fist pump, slightly oblivious to the heated glares he was receiving from Red.

"That's not fair!" The Pokemon trainer growled, jumping from the cart only to land on his behind.

Pit was hysterical now, watching Red painfully picking himself off of the floor. What the angel didn't notice was that the Pokemon trainer was pulling out a Pokeball from his pocket.

"Go Ivysaur!" Red yelled, throwing the Pokeball onto the floor. Before Pit could do anything, Ivysaur was out of his Pokeball and had his vines wrapped around the angel's body.

"Hey!" Pit yelled, struggling frantically against his restraints. "Red! Tell this thing to let me go!"

"Hmm," Red was inspecting his fingernails idly. "Oh, you want me to help you? Nah, not gonna happen."

Pit was fuming. "Red, tell your dang Pokemon to let me go. Or are you gonna always hide behind your little pets?"

Now Red was ticked off, but he didn't command Ivysaur to let Pit go. No, he wasn't done with the angel yet. "Ivysaur, come." Red beckoned the Pokemon to follow him as he walked away, nobody who was watching the whole scene unfold trying to stop him. Ivysaur lifted Pit off of the ground and followed behind his master, the angel kicking and struggling, still yelling at Red.

Samus watched the scene unfold along with Zelda and just shook her head. "That was why I wasn't going to get involved."

"En garde!" Link yelled at Marth, who was winning. Link just liked to pretend he was doing better than his fellow swordsman.

Zelda's attention was caught by the yell, and she noticed the two swordsmen dueling. "Oh no!" She gasped. "Link's losing!" And with that, she went to help her fellow Hylian in the fight.

Samus stared. "I wasn't going to get involved, but really, two on one? That is not fair," the bounty hunter muttered as she went to help Marth and even the odds.

Just as Samus joined Marth's side, the floor began shaking underneath all the smasher's feet, causing them all to stop fighting for a moment.

"What's going on!?" Zelda cried, grabbing onto a nearby shelf to steady herself.

Just then, Fox, Luigi, Ness, and Toon Link all came running by, yelling the same thing-

"THE PIGS ARE COMING!"

* * *

_**Flashback to, like, 5 minutes ago:**_

"Awww!" Toon Link scooped up the pig at his feet. "Did you follow me here? You were supposed to stay in my room!"

Fox stared at the animal Toon Link held aloft. "Is that the pet you're always going on and on about owning? Piggie, or something?"

Toon Link looked offended at Fox's statement. "His name is Mr. Piggums! Don't offend him by calling him Piggie!" He turned to his pig. "It's alright, Mr. Piggums! Mean old Fox was just being stupid!"

Luigi and Ness gave each other worried looks. This wouldn't end well.

"What did you just call me?" Fox growled, pulling out his blaster and aiming at Toon Link.

The blonde boy saw what he did, though, and jumped out of the way just as Fox fired. Unfortunately, the shot hit Mr. Piggums instead.

"Oh no!" Toon Link looked horrified as he dropped the pig. "Now you've done it, Fox! RUUUUN!"

With that, Toon Link turned tail and fled, leaving behind his pig.

"What the-?" The three smashers were confused, until they looked at Mr. Piggums, that is. The pig was flashing red and was charging them, along with three other pigs.

It took Fox, Luigi, and Ness only one moment to decide what to do. "RUUUUN!"

* * *

_**Back to the present…**_

"AGGGH!" Every single smasher who was in the supermarket (besides Peach) were all running together, trying to get away from the most horrifying sight ever to meet their eyes-

Mr. Piggums and his posse.

Luigi, Lucario, Mr. Game and Watch, and Red all had managed to grab the shopping carts containing the supplies the other smashers had collected, and were pushing them along as they ran.

"Toon Link!" Roy gasped, trying to get air into his lungs after dueling for so long then running. "Is there anyway to stop them?!"

"Wait until they cool off!" Toon Link yelped, almost running headfirst into another shopper. Luckily, Mr. Piggums and the other three pigs were only interested in the smashers and no one else.

"That's it?" Marth was incredulous. "You run away and wait for them to get bored?!"

"Yep! And you can blame Fox for getting him angry in the first place!"

"Hey! I wouldn't have shot that pig if you didn't call me stupid!"

"Fox, Toon Link!" Ike yelled nervously. "We have bigger problems right now besides who's fault this is!"

A squeal from behind reinforced Ike's statement as everyone sped up a little more to outrun the crazed pigs.

"Do you think they're almost tired out yet?" Luigi panted, pushing a shopping cart. "Because I sure am!"

"Almost!" Toon Link panted, and, as if by magic, the pigs abruptly stopped running. Mr. Piggums was no longer flashing red, and just waddled around, as if he wasn't just running at top speed, trying to kill a group of people.

"Finally," Link groaned, plopping down on the ground to rest. Everyone else followed suit, except Toon Link, who instead picked up Mr. Piggums and wagged his finger in the pig's face.

"Mr. Piggums! That was mean!" Toon Link acted as if the pig trying to kill him and his friends was something only mildly disturbing. "Come along!" He carried his pet pig and plopped him into a shopping cart. "Let's go check out!"

* * *

Peach shoved the last shopping bag into the back of the van, where the smashers who didn't willingly come were forced to sit since the front seats were taken by Samus, Peach, Toon Link, and Ness.

"Is that everything?" Marth asked sarcastically, peeved about being shoved in such a crowded space with Link, who called him a girl not twenty minutes before.

"Yep!" The princess of the Mushroom Kingdom chirped happily, oblivious to the death stares she was receiving from almost everyone as she slammed the van doors shut.

* * *

"Everyone, grab a bag!" Peach ordered the smashers around, knowing they couldn't resist because of Snake's bombs.

Watching as her fellow smashers obeyed and picked up the shopping bags to carry them into the Smash Mansion, Peach happily clapped and skipped into the mansion, not bothering to grab a bag herself.

Once everyone had set the bags down in the kitchen, a unanimous sigh of relief went up among the kidnapped smashers.

"We can go now, right?" Pit grinned at Peach. "Well, once you tell us where the bombs are planted on us."

"Oh no!" Peach had a look of horror on her face. "You're all not done yet!"

"Whaaaaaat?" Samus groaned. "But all you said you wanted was help shopping!"

The princess of the Mushroom Kingdom giggled. "Silly, I must have forgotten to mention it! You're all helping me bake, too!"

Zelda facepalmed while everyone else started arguing.

_This day can't get any worse, _the kidnapped princess thought sullenly.

She didn't know just how wrong she was.

* * *

**AN - Nooo idea when I'll get part two up, but any reviews, follows, and favorites are appreciated by me and my sister! :)**


	2. Part Two

**AN - Part 2. Wow. Took me long enough, huh? Hopefully no one's too mad - I've been working on this for awhile now, so I hope it's decent. Thanks to everyone who's read/reviewed/favorited/followed thus far, and I hope you enjoy! It's finally completed! Constructive criticism and such is _always _welcomed! :D**

* * *

"It's time to baaaake!" Peach sang, clasping her hands together happily. "Who's ready?"

When no one responded, the princess gave them a look that clearly meant _Be happy or else be blown to smithereens_, and so they all began 'happily' agreeing to bake.

Peach smirked, almost evilly, scaring everyone in the room out of their tiny little minds. "Perfect. Now, there are many steps to baking a cake," the princess began pacing the room, posture perfect and gloved hands clutching one another behind her back. "Since there are so many steps, I've decided you will all be split into groups to each perform a step."

When Link raised his hand, Peach acted like a teacher addressing her least favorite student. "Yes, Link?"

The swordsman gulped quietly at the words that were practically hissed out, but still asked his question, seeing as it was more important at that moment. "Are we going to be in the same groups as we were in the store?"

Peach giggled brightly, "Yep, it just saves me time if you are!"

Link started sweating slightly, glancing over at Marth who seemed to be barely paying attention to anything going on around him, instead leaning on a counter and drawing on it idly with his finger. The Hylian felt a bit of relief wash through him at the sight of the prince acting so collected and calm, but he knew it might just be because Link was nowhere near him at that moment. How was he supposed to survive the baking of this cake?

Peach opened her mouth to continue, but was interrupted when Toon Link raised his hand from the front of the crowd.

"Yes, Toon?" Everyone could tell the princess was getting close to snapping, and at that moment, if she snapped, it would be at Toon Link.

The mini version of Link just tilted his head and reached into the pouch on his hip, pulling out something no one expected. "Can I go to my room and put him away?"

"GET BACK!" Link screeched at the top of his lungs, everyone in the kitchen besides Peach and Toon scampering away and climbing on counters.

"How did you get that in your _pouch?!_" Pit squealed as he sat on a counter, holding Red in front of him like a shield (though the Pokemon Trainer was trying desperately to get behind Pit and use _him _as a shield).

Peach stood and tapped her highheeled foot impatiently, angry that all the smashers she took were such wimps at the sight of something so innocent looking.

...Then again, that pig _did _almost take them all down.

"Don't run away!" Toon Link held Mr. Piggums close, clutching him like a stuffed animal. "He's cute! Plus, he's sorry for almost killing you!"

The small Hylian ran over to one of the counters, holding Mr. Piggums out in front of him Circle of Life style. "Lookit how cute he is!"

Luigi yelped loudly and lunged at Ike, who was sitting on the counter beside him, the plumber trying to squeeze behind the swordsman to hide. Ike, meanwhile, was trying to scamper backwards on the slippery marble as quickly as humanly possible.

Toon Link ran to another countertop, still lifting the pig in front of himself. "Come on! You can't stay mad at this face!"

Marth grumbled while backing away from the animal, "Wanna bet?"

Finally, one of the braver smashers decided to take action. Then again, she was only brave in this instance because she always tried to act like a mother figure to Toon Link, and had decided in that moment she had to step up.

"Toon Link?" Zelda walked forward slowly until she was in front of the child (yet still at least arm's length away from him and the pig), and knelt down to his eye level. "Maybe Mr. Piggums should go back in your room, eh?"

The mini Hylian rolled his eyes in annoyance while walking towards the kitchen door, mumbling to himself. "That's what I was _going _to do until all you people started getting all crazy when I pulled him out!"

Before Toon could get out of the kitchen, Peach called out to him. "Toon?"

When the boy turned back, the princess smiled like a psychopath. "Come right back! Wouldn't want to be Toon Link confetti, now would we…?"

Swallowing nervously, Toon nodded and quickly ran out of the kitchen with his pet, hightailing it to the room he shared with Ness.

"Okay," Peach turned back to the smashers, who were all still frozen in shock at her blatant threat to Toon Link's life, "when Toon Link gets back, I'll start his group on their job. For now, the other three groups can begin!"

* * *

"Why do I feel like we're going to screw up and get BLOWN up?" Samus sighed, ripping open a bag that was crudely labeled 'Unsweetened Sweetener.'

"Maybe because it's highly likely it will happen?" Pit suggested, pulling out a glass bowl with a wooden mixing spoon. Their group had gotten the job of preparing the dry ingredients, and Princess Peach had given them a _very _specific list of things to do (and in what order).

Currently, the group was on step 0.01. They had to reach step 20.

"...Okay, so Red," Zelda held the list in front of her, reading off it to the teen, "did you add the cup of chocolate baking soda slowly, exactly one and a half feet above the pure glass bowl, whilst stirring vigorously?"

Red looked down at the bowl, and thought of what he'd done. Dump about half the bag into the plastic bowl, not stirring at all. "Yep, I did it!"

* * *

Game and Watch slowly poured the milk that his group had gotten at the store into a measuring cup, trying desperately to not overshoot the 101/134ths line (which was specifically requested in the list given them by Peach). One drop more than needed, and the princess would blow him to pieces-

Wait. Where could Peach put a bomb on Mr. Game and Watch that he wouldn't know about?!

Pondering this dilemma, the poor 2D figure didn't realize he was fast approaching the 101/134ths line… Just one drop more…

Panic time. Game and Watch overshot it. He poured 103/134ths.

Seeing his friend in a panic, R.O.B. rolled over to the 2D man's side. "What happened-?"

"I OVERSHOT JUST PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY SO PEACH DOESN'T DO IT FOR ME."

"...I thought you couldn't speak?"

* * *

Shopping with those idiots was bad. Baking with them? Worse. _Much _worse. Especially since they got the stupidest sounding steps that Peach could've given out.

Marth grumbled to himself, slicing the Tuna fish on the cutting board in front of him quickly and efficiently. The faster he went, the faster he didn't have to deal with these people for such long periods at once.

Link and Roy were staring at the list, getting into a heated debate over what step number 7.94 _really _meant.

"I think it means we sautee it," Link stated, confident in his detective skills. That step was so difficult to understand…

"Nah," Roy rebutted, "it means we boil it." The redhead was beyond a shadow of a doubt his theory was correct.

The Hylian snorted, "Who boils Tuna fish? That's stupid!"

Roy's expression darkened, "Well, who sautees it? That's idiotic! Peach obviously meant boiling."

"Nooo, she meant sauteing!"

"Boiling!"

"Sauteing!"

"Boiling-!"

Marth had stormed over to the bickering swordsmen, tuna blood covered knife still in hand. "You will _not _do this again. Give me that list, and tell me which step you're confused about!"

"Step number 7.94!" Link offered the step number nervously as Roy's hand shot out, trembling with the list in hand. The prince snatched it away angrily, and quickly read said step.

"Oh my goodness," Marth began waving the list angrily in the two swordsmen's faces, "that says to GRILL the Tuna! How did you NOT understand that!?"

Link and Roy looked at each other before looking back at the list, and each of them shrugged. "We don't know. It was confusing."

Marth sighed exasperatedly before passing the list back to Link and Roy, walking away and back to the Tuna he'd been gutting. Honestly, he had no idea why his fellow swordsmen had been so confused at the step (it literally said "Grill the Tuna slowly"), but he was even _more _confused at the fact he had to gut a Tuna in the first place. Weren't they baking a cake…? Then again, Ike was at his corner of the counter, daintily grating parmesan into a small bowl. None of the ingredients his group had gotten made any sense.

* * *

Peach tapped her foot impatiently. What was taking that kid so long…? All he had to do was shove his pig in his room!

As if on cue, the kitchen door swung open slowly, revealing a small boy on the other side.

"Ah, Toon Link!" Peach chirped brightly, walking over and taking the child's hand before he could react. "Your group has been _anxiously _awaiting your return! Here ya go!" The princess pushed the Hylian into Luigi, who barely had time to catch him (seeing as how the plumber was currently baking _her _cake).

Ness looked over at the newcomer's arrival, and sighed a sigh of relief. "Oh Toon, I'm so glad you're back! Peach is crazy!"

Toon walked over to his friend, barely paying attention to what the psychic had been doing before his arrival. "You think I don't know that? She's got bombs on us! Not to mention the trackers…"

"Okay boys, talk time is over," Fox walked in between the two boys, "we need to get this cake done if we want to escape with our very _lives_."

Luigi snorted from his spot across the counter, having been listening in. "Cue the dramatic music to support Fox's overreaction."

The pilot turned to the plumber, aggravation already spilling forth from his features. "You sayin' I'm overdramatic? You saying I should just let these kids keep talking, let them get _blown up_?!"

"No," Luigi began pouring bottled water into a blender (as per step 1.09), "I just think you're scaring the kids, not to mention wasting time we could be using to bake and instead using it to talk about baking the cake."

"Oh really?" Fox began dueling with Luigi (using his words, of course), but Ness and Toon Link decided to ignore them both.

"So, how _did _you fit Mr. Piggums into that tiny pouch?" The psychic looked at his friend curiously.

"Duh, it's bigger on the inside."

* * *

This was it. Lucario gulped nervously, paw hovering over the glass bowl. This was the last step. If he did it perfectly, his group would be done (as long as Peach didn't have some other crazy idea in mind to keep them captive for).

All he had to do was combine the strawberry flavored melted chocolate he held with the strange combination in the bowl on the counter, and he had to do it slowly while his partner, Olimar, slowly jiggled the bowl sitting on the marble top.

Yeah, it was a weird step.

So far, so good. The chocolate was halfway poured, and Olimar hadn't complained about his arms going numb from the repeated motion of sliding the bowl on the counter back and forth quickly.

"What's going on?"

Lucario jumped at the new voice (the voice belonging to no one the aura Pokemon could remember being in the kitchen with the rest of them), the remainder of the chocolate plopping into the second bowl all at once. Panicking slightly at the ruined step, the Pokemon decided to ignore the concoction at that moment and instead turned to the kitchen door, along with everyone else in the kitchen.

"We're baking!" Peach skipped happily over to the open kitchen door, where Yoshi stood, looking slightly confused at the sight before him.

"Samus is baking?" The dino was befuddled. "But she _swore_ once she'd never do anything even _remotely _like this-"

Samus glared at Yoshi from her spot, immediately silencing him. "I am _not _doing this of my own free will."

The dino nodded quickly, before turning away. "Well, guess I'll go now… Have fun baking! I guess…"

Before the dino could close the door, Peach held up a gloved hand. "Oh, Yoshi? Could I speak to you quickly? Alone?"

Lucario realized that Peach was going to kidnap the poor Mario character, and ran forward, screaming at the top of his lungs. "RUN YOSHI! SHE'S CRAZY! SAVE YOURSELF, AND JUST RUN, MAN!"

Luckily for Yoshi, he snapped out of his shock at Lucario's outburst just in time, and bolted away from the kitchen. The smashers in the kitchen began cheering him on, but one evil glare from the Mushroom Kingdom princess silenced them.

"I was GOING to ask him to fetch something for me!" Peach stormed over to the aura Pokemon, who was just wishing at that moment he didn't have to exist. "Now I have to go get it! Everyone! Stay here and keep baking. I'll be right back," her words were literally being hissed out, "and if I figure out anyone has left, even if it's only one of you, I'll blow you ALL skyhigh!"

With that, the princess stormed out of the kitchen and slammed the door behind her, leaving behind a group of very silent smashers.

* * *

"I'm baaack!" the kitchen door swung open, revealing a very dainty looking princess who was anything but. Not many smashers turned at her voice, seeing as how they were trying to complete the step they were in the middle of, but Peach didn't mind. As long as her cake was _perfect_.

"Okay, Ike's group?" At the mention of their group, the four swordsmen turned to the princess skipping over to their workspace. "This," Peach held up an egg, the item she had apparently gone to get, "is something you _must _use come step number 19.7. It is very important to the recipe, so please, be _extra _careful with it until said step. Have fun!" With that, the princess skipped away, leaving the four boys to keep the egg safe.

Yet Link was apprehensive. Something about that egg was just throwing him off, even though it looked like any other egg, albeit a bit larger. But no matter what he did, he couldn't put his finger on what was weird about the item. Maybe it was the fact that the egg wasn't even kept in the kitchen, seeing as how Peach left to fetch it. Where had it been kept…?

Shrugging the feeling off, the Hylian went back to performing step 19.6 with Roy, smashing a loaf of bread with hammers until tender (though wasn't it already tender?).

And then the answer hit him like a ton of bricks.

Spinning like lightning, he saw that Marth and Ike had moved on to the step with the egg, and though he feared Marth, it could never compare to the terror that egg held.

"HIT THE DIRT!" Link screamed (though most everyone in the room ignored him), trying to tackle both Ike and Marth away from the egg but only succeeding in sending both himself and the prince to the ground.

"What are you _doing_, Link?!" Marth growled, trying to push the Hylian off of him, but Link kept him pinned to the ground (one hand still somehow holding the hammer he'd been using before).

"Saving your _life_, Marth!" Link had a look of sheer horror on his face, which only intensified when he saw Ike was holding the egg in one hand. "NOW YOU'VE DONE IT, IKE!" The Hylian quickly jumped off of Marth, and began herding everyone away from a very confused Ike.

Steps were interrupted, complaints and insults flew, but Link was determined. He wouldn't lose anyone in the kitchen to that… THING (except maybe Ike, seeing as how he'd already doomed himself by picking the egg up). Soon, through Link's sheer force of will, everyone except for Ike was on the opposite side of the kitchen from said swordsman.

"What's going on, Link?" Ike walked forward, one hand still clutching the innocent looking item, but Link drew the Master Sword and used it to keep him at bay.

Zelda called out from her spot in the herd of smashers, confused. "What's going on, Link? Is Ganondorf trying to take over the refrigerator again?"

Link shook his head violently, "No. It's a Cucco Egg."

Zelda's face went pale. "Oh no."

Ike held the egg up. "You mean this? This little egg is what's got you all worked up, Link?" The swordsman chuckled, but everyone else in the room stayed absolutely silent. Apparently, Ike was the only one who hadn't heard the stories.

"Listen," Peach walked to Ike's side, grinning strangely, "that egg can't do anything to you! Besides, even if it could, you're really strong, Ike! You could fight it off!" Ike looked to Peach, who was now leaning on his arm, looking up at him whilst batting her eyelashes. All the mercenary could think was that, if Peach wasn't so violent, she could actually be… Cute. _Maybe she's not so bad after all… _Ike found himself thinking, before snapping out of his stupidity. _What am I thinking?! Dang Peach and her feminine wiles!_

And then a sound echoed through the room, a sound that haunted Link's most vivid nightmares.

An eggshell cracking.

"Awww!" Ike looked down at his hand, in which he held a little Cucco, newly hatched. "Look how cute it is!"

Peach giggled, backing away from the mercenary slightly. "See? How could that sweet, adorable bird even attempt to hurt another living being?"

While most everyone there would have laughed at Ike for his little display of affection, they had to admit, it _was _pretty cute.

"That's a cucco?" Luigi piped up, gazing affectionately at the chick. "It's too cute! I can't believe a single thing you said about those birds is true, Link!"

"You'd _better _believe it, buddy!" Link cried out, ducking behind Zelda's back and peeking over her shoulder. The princess moved aside, trying to look Link in the eye, but he just moved with her, using her as a human shield.

"Link?" Zelda questioned, "I thought you said that Cuccos were the most horrifying things you'd ever come across on your quest in any realm. That little bird-" she gestured to the chick that Ike was gently caressing, the muscular man slowly being surrounded by people who also wanted to pet the animal, "Well, to be perfectly blunt, it doesn't look like it could hurt a fly. Did you _lie _to me?"

Link scoffed indignantly, narrowing his eyes at the princess. "I cannot believe you think so little of me. I've never lied to you! You're just… Just…" He grappled for the most effective word he could use, and finally settled on a good sounding one - after all, a lot of lines in movies had some variation of it. "Jealous!"

"Jealous? Really, Link?" Zelda crossed her arms angrily, "How in Hyrule am I 'jealous' of you, Link?"

"...Because of my good looks!" It took him a minute to decide upon that one. "I mean, honestly, I look like one of those awesomely built actors on television, and you, well, let's just say you certainly ain't a looker."

It was Zelda's turn to scoff indignantly, "Are you kidding me, Link? I'm the one who looks like they could be on television - you, on the other hand, dress like a hobo every day."

"A hobo!?"

"Yep, I mean, honestly, when was the last time you _washed _your clothing? A _skunk _would be repelled by your stench!"

"I'll have you know I wash my clothing regularly, woman!"

"_Woman!?_"

Meanwhile, while everyone (minus Link and Zelda) was cooing over the cucco, the bird itself picked up on the sound of the Hylians' arguing, and started chirping softly. An almost unanimous "aw" was uttered by the group, but the cucco's chirps only got louder- and more distressed sounding.

"Um, Link? Zelda?" Ike called, cradling the bird to his chest protectively, "I think you two arguing is upsetting Roland."

Instantly Link rounded on the mercenary. "_Roland? _You named it?! You can't do that! Once you _name _it, you start getting attached to it!"

Roland started chirping louder, but Ike was slowly beginning to ignore him in favor of getting into a fight with Link. "And what's so bad about that, Link? Huh? _Roland_," Ike put an emphasis on the name, causing Link's eyes to twitch, "is perfectly harmless. I don't know what nonsense you've been feeding others about these birds, but I can't believe a word of it was true!"

Fox piped up from the crowd, "Uh, guys? Roland doesn't look too happy…"

Ike didn't hear. He was on a roll, and his blood was boiling. "You've been lying to everyone this whole time, trying to give these wonderful, adorable, perfectly harmless birds a bad reputation!"

"Ike," this time it was Roy who piped up, "I think you're squeezing the bi-"

"Shut up, Roy!" Ike snapped, "I'm giving Link a wake-up call!"

"I think you're the one who needs a wake-up call," Marth muttered, slowly backing out of the group. In fact, most everyone was backing away from the mercenary, though Ike didn't know why.

"Where are you all going?" Ike furrowed his brow, then heard a small sound coming from the creature he grasped. It was a strange sound, almost a cross between a squawk and a… '_Did Roland just _growl_?' _Ike looked down at the bird, the bird he would later admit he probably squeezed a bit too tightly during his rant. The cucco was looking up at him, head tilted slightly. "Roland? Are you okay…?"

And Roland lunged.

Everyone in the kitchen did one of three things in response to this - they either screamed, tried in vain to help the mercenary who was lying on the floor, trying to pry Roland off his face, or they just silently smirked. Of course, the smirking was limited to two people. Peach just thought the entire scene was hilarious, and Link turned to Zelda, lips upturned.

"Told ya."

* * *

Twenty minutes later, and the kitchen was back to some semblance of "calm". Ike had been carted off to the infirmary after Roland had been pried off his writhing body, leaving his team a man down, but it didn't matter. Peach finished their step for them, using the now unoccupied cucco eggshell and completing that last step. She then took all the concoctions each team had created using her instructions, and plopped it all into one massive circular pan that was slid into the oven that could barely hold it.

Now, everyone was just standing around, waiting for the baked good to be complete, and avoiding the glass jar that was Roland's current home in the corner of the room (somehow, R.O.B. had managed to stuff the bird in there before it did further damage).

"When's it gonna be dooooooooooone," Pit moaned, staring at the ceiling in his despair. He wasn't a very patient person - luckily for him, neither was Red.

"Right?" The trainer groaned in response, spinning one of his empty Pokeballs on the counter in boredom.

"You idiots, it's barely been in the oven," Marth snapped, "stop whining. You're annoying the rest of us."

"Speak for yourself!" Link puffed his chest up, eyeing Marth before turning to Pit and Red, "But seriously, you two are annoying."

The kitchen fell back into a sort of uncomfortable silence, the only thing to break it being an occasional complaint from the angel and trainer or Peach's happy humming. Olimar liked the quiet, honestly- it gave him time to meditate and just enjoy life. His eyes travelled over everyone in the kitchen, before stopping on an odd sight. A very odd sight. Which was, of course, that a certain corner of the kitchen was missing a jar.

"Hey," Olimar said, "where's Roland?"

Everyone was instantly back on the counters, much like they had been earlier when Toon Link whipped Mr. Piggums out of his pouch. The only one still standing on the floor was Peach, who rolled her eyes at her helpers.

"You named it Roland?" The voice came out of seemingly nowhere, and everyone was sent into a tizzy trying to identify its source. It was obviously a man speaking, but that was all any of them could tell. "Are you all idiots? She's a _girl_. If you're going to name something, check the gender before doing so." A cardboard box dropped from the ceiling to land in the middle of the kitchen floor, eliciting screams and yelps. The box flung itself away, revealing the only man who would consider a flimsy piece of cardboard to be a tactical advantage.

"Snake?" Peach asked slightly nervously, watching the man stand slowly, "What'cha doooin'?"

"I'm stopping animal abuse," Snake grumbled, revealing the glass jar he held in his hands. The glass jar he was about to pop open.

"DON'T OPEN THAT!" Link screeched to other cries of agreement, but Snake paid no mind and let Roland out of his- _her _jar.

"I'm renaming her," Snake said, nonchalantly grabbing the chick and perching her on his shoulder, "to Solid Rolinda. Roly for short." With that, he turned to walk out of the kitchen, Solid Rolinda nuzzling his stubbly face (a sign of affection Link had never seen previously in his many encounters with the bird). Before he closed the door behind him, however, he turned to glare at Peach. "And you. I expect my gear back when you're done here. And it better be in good condition - or else."

The door closed behind him, leaving everyone in the room stunned at what had just occurred.

"Great," Red groaned, finally breaking the silence, "now we have to deal with both Mr. Piggums AND Roly! We're all dead!"

"True dat," Ness said, his words being followed by a bright dinging sound.

Peach squealed loudly, running to the oven. "MY CAKE! MY PERFECT, PERFECT CAKE! IT'S COMPLETE! OH, JOYOUS DAY!" It was obvious the events of the past five minutes had been completely forgotten to the princess, her attentions entirely focused on pulling the gigantic pan out of the oven.

Everyone watched the baked good come out. This was it, what they'd been working towards for an entire day. They'd all sweat blood and shed heavy tears, facing down evil pigs, a moody prince, the front and back of a store, shopping carts clocking in at 90 miles per hour, unsweetened sweetener, fourth wall breakages, mid-store sword duels, not-so-innocent cucco chicks, soldiers dropping from ceilings in their personal cardboard boxes, and, of course, a pink-clad princess who shared a name with a fruit (and acted like one too).

And the finished product was horrifying. A gigantic lump of something that barely resembled a mound of horse dung, there were odds and ends sticking out everywhere. Fish skeletons, plastic bowls, a roof shingle, Marth's tiara, wooden spoons, Meta Knight's mask, Metroid tentacles, the Sword of Seals, and something that looked suspiciously like one of Ivysaur's vines.

Of course, none of them really expected any different (except for Peach of course), but they were getting nervous on account of their captor's easily altered mental state.

"Oh…" Peach stared at the massive cake (it really was huge, which surprised everyone since it was bigger than the oven itself), tears pricking at the corners of her eyes. "It- It's-" She sniffled, and Roy felt a strange pang of pity for her, which caused his gentleman habits to kick in. He tried to resist - he really did. But his body didn't seem like it was going to listen, and instead he walked over to her, placing a (hopefully) comforting hand on her shoulder, the only thought in his head being about comforting the crying lady.

"Peach," he said slowly, carefully, "it's okay-" Then she squealed, jumping up and down and waving her hands around violently, her left hand flying back and catching Roy in the nose. "OW!"

"IT'S PERFECT!" Peach shrieked, dancing in circles, "I LOVE IT, I LOVE IT, I LOVE IT!"

"You're _mad, _woman!" Roy stated, his voice muffled because of the hand pinching his nose.

Peach didn't seem to hear him, instead just continuing her wild dancing. "See, everyone!" She called out, "THIS is what happens when you listen to ME!"

Fox grimaced, poking the cake with the end of his blaster, "I don't think it's actually edible."

"I don't think any of us expected anything more," Marth said, eyeing his tiara and debating the best way to free it from it's starchy prison.

"Everyone has to try some!" Peach declared, apparently oblivious to the insults her cake was receiving, "Or no one's leaving!"

Groans and complaints rose from the group, but Peach paid them no mind, instead grabbing both a fork from a nearby drawer and the nearest unsuspecting soul. Then she gently scooped a small bite from the cake mound, and held the bite up to her captive's mouth. Red started sweating nervously, and turned to Pit for help. The angel conveniently wasn't looking in his direction, instead just whistling loudly and staring anywhere and everywhere except for the trainer. Red scowled at his best friend, knowing full well he couldn't even see it, before Peach decided she'd been waiting too long for him to eat the bite of his own free will and instead shoved the fork in his mouth.

Instantly, a hush fell over the crowd, bets being placed mentally on what would happen to Red - would he lose his lunch, spit the offending bite out and proceed to scrape his tongue raw, or would he keel over, dead before he hit the ground? Of course, there was the one weirdo in the crowd - Samus actually predicted Red would spontaneously combust from the sheer horror he had in his mouth.

But none of that happened. Instead, something much, much worse happened.

Red _smiled_.

"That- that's amazing!" The Pokemon Trainer exclaimed, snatching the fork right from Peach's hand and digging into the cake mound before him. "It's fabulous! It's awesome! It's- it's-" Red furrowed his brow, trying to come up with a suitable adjective to describe the pastry sitting before him. "It's fantabulosome!"

Pit gaped at his best friend, having been previously sure that the trainer was going to vomit all over Peach's bright pink dress and invoke her undying wrath. Instead, he was shoveling bite after bite of the dubious looking cake into his mouth.

"Come on, guys," Red said through a mouth of starchy goodness, "everyone should try this thing!" He swallowed noisily, then looked thoughtful. "You know, on second thought, stay away. More for me."

Pit, by this point, had snapped out of his initial shock and was looking at the cake, intrigued. It tasted _good_? _Well, _the angel thought, _if Red thinks it's good… _That was all the mental prodding he needed, and with that, Pit ran forward eagerly and grabbed a fork from the still open drawer. And Red promptly batted the utensil out of his hand.

"Red!" Pit exclaimed, the Pokemon Trainer eyeing him disdainfully.

"I _said,_" Red hissed, "_don't touch my cake._" With that, the brunette boy launched himself back at the giant pastry.

"What's happened to him?!" Pit backed away slowly, still casting longing glances at the cake.

"He loves it!" Peach exclaimed happily, dancing around a bit, "He really, truly loves it!"

"I want a bite!" Pit whined, stomping a foot and crossing his arms much like a two year old. "Why won't Red share?!"

Peach gave a pitying smile, patting the angel on the shoulder, "Don't worry, Pit, there's plenty for every-"

"AAAAAAGH!" The scream echoed in the small kitchen, and everyone watched wide-eyed as Red randomly burst into flames before running around in circles like a chicken with its head cut off.

A thrilled scream rang out from the group, "HE SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUSTED! I WAS RIGHT!" Everyone turned to stare incredulously at Samus (well, everyone minus Red and Pit, who was chasing his best friend in circles, trying to put out the flames while declaring "you don't get to die by fire, you're gonna have'ta deal with ME first and the consequences of not sharing!"). "What?" The blonde bounty huntress said, hands going to her hips. "I was right. Now, who's gonna cough up my money?"

"We never actually _placed _any bets," Marth rolled his eyes, before Samus walked coolly over and tackled him to the ground. A few seconds later the blonde stood, a happy, mocking smile on her face as she held up some gold coins.

"Guess what, wise guy? Just for that, you get to pay me."

Red crashed through the kitchen door, leaving behind a fairly accurate outline of himself, and Pit plowed through right after, still yelling his vengeance on the trainer. Silence fell on the kitchen seconds after, even Peach not making her usual commentary. Then, an irate voice travelled up from the kitchen floor.

"You know, you could've told me that _before _you mugged me."

* * *

A week after the cake incident, and the Smash Mansion was mostly back to normal.

Red was going through a painful recovery in the infirmary (made even worse by the full body cast and the fact that Pit kept going in his room, eating various pastries and goodies right in front of his face and purposely _not sharing_).

Olimar, R.O.B., Mr. Game and Watch and Lucario had become extremely good friends and hung out quite often, actually forming a club called the "Anti-Cake-Baking Club", an exclusive group open to only the people who had helped Peach make her confectionary delight.

Toon Link had taken to bringing Mr. Piggums with him wherever he went in an effort to make everyone love the pig as much as he did. Fox had taken to trying to murder Toon Link's pet in an effort to save countless innocents. Ness was caught in the middle, not knowing whether or not to help Toon Link or Fox with their missions - support the pig, or kill it? Luigi just rolled his eyes at the entire situation and was much more content to spend time with Mario and other sane (in his opinion, anyways) Smashers.

Ganondorf tried to conquer the refrigerator (and other kitchen appliances) countless times, and Zelda used her time to try and keep him from succeeding. Samus, on the other hand, was quite happy to turn a blind eye to everything happening around her and just mug Marth a few times a day (the prince, for some bizarre reason, always seemed to carry plenty of gold on him no matter how many times she robbed him).

Roy spent his time three ways - trying to teach Link the correct way to shop ("The FRONT of the store is where you start, Link, THE FRONT"), attending Anti-Cake-Baking Club meetings, and practising curbing his gentlemanly habits. Link spent his time three ways as well - teaching Roy the _actual _correct way to shop ("Pish posh, Roy my boy, you start at the BACK of the store"), helping Zelda fend Ganondorf away from fridges and toasters, and hunting down every last cucco egg gracing the Smash Mansion to cut the infestation off at the source.

Marth had learned to contain his temper (somewhat), and had started carrying around fool's gold with him instead of gold (and if a certain bounty huntress thought she was getting the real deal, well, that wasn't really his fault, was it?). Snake now never went anywhere without his trusty sidekick, Solid Rolinda, and soon, the two became the Smash Mansion's resident peacekeepers, as no one wanted to break any rules with punishment from Roly looming overhead.

Once Ike had gotten out of the infirmary, he had, for his part, taken to carrying around a roll of duct tape with him wherever he went. Its purpose?

"IIIIIKE!" A cheery, bubbly, voice rang out, and the mercenary froze. _She _was coming. Quick as a wink, he pulled the roll of duct tape out of his pocket. He finished with it just as soon as _she _came skipping around the corner.

"Ike!" Peach pouted. "What's wrong with you? Everytime I come to you to see if you have anymore good ideas, you're like _this_!"

Ike just shrugged, the strip of duct tape pressed over his lips preventing any stupid ideas from leaking from his mouth.

Peach tried getting him to talk to her, but to no avail. Finally, the princess stormed off, leaving behind a very pleased Ike. The duct tape was doing its job quite nicely.

Quite nicely indeed.


End file.
